ewwwwwww

EWWWWWWW!

Self Love

“Self love isn’t a bad thing.  It’s a good thing because in order to really love someone else, you have to love yourself.  When I twitter that I love myself, I wish people wouldn’t get so pissed about it.  It’s okay to like something about yourself too.  It’s okay to say it. 

I get so many messages of people cutting me down on all levels.  Affirming good things regarding what you like about yourself is a positive way to offset haters including self hate.  If someone says, “Your ass is too big” then you say, “I love my ass”.  Never let what anyone else says define what you think about yourself.   Stay strong, find something you like about yourself, and yeah, it’s fine to say it.  Haters don’t want you to like yourself, and they hate when you say good things about yourself because it just reminds them of the fact that they don’t like themselves.”  ~KIKI KANNIBAL

I love Kiki.  She is such an inspiration.  I hope to be like her (personality wise).  She SEEMS very wise and knowledgeable.   (I FOUND THIS ON HER BUZZNET!)

Name: Ice
Artist: Lights
Album: Lights - EP

I love this song <3

Almost 5 months

     I cannot believe it’s almost been 5 months since I’ve seen her.  We met December 14, 2009.  I’m in love with her and have been since the day we met.  I miss her laugh, her smile and her deep brown eyes.  I remember the hardest part of the day; saying goodbye.  I put out my hand to shake goodbye, even though with her, there is no such thing as a good bye.  I feel empty with out her.  I feel alone.  When I was with her that one night I felt so alive, happy and myself for once.  Lesbian love.  I just don’t know what to do with myself.  The way she loves animals like I do, the way she walks in front of me just to open the door, the way she looked into my eyes.  I thought she liked me; I lied to myself.

     Today is May 13th, 2010.  Tomorrow will be five months, next it will be 6 months; half a year!  Time goes by so quickly.  I should’ve cherished the moments we had together.  I was too blind to see reality; I let everything slip and overcome me.  My emotions took over me and I haven’t been the same since.  I’ve been having suicidal thoughts ever since I met her.  I thought I was happy, but deep inside (the reality) I was unhappy, depressed.  I was a girl staying silent but at the same time crying for help.  Now, I don’t know what to do with myself…

“I blinded myself with happiness so I couldn’t see my reality.” ~Jenn Zelnick (me)

I’m not your welcome mat

     Friends, assholes, skinny bitches, ghetto pieces of shit and low-lives…  This is for you.  Stop calling me fat.  I’m not.  I may be overweight and yes, I will admit it but don’t call me fat, because I’m not.  If I want to lose weight, it’s my choice; not yours.  Don’t tell me how to dress so it will “suit my body type”.  No, I can pick out my own clothes.  You’re not my mother.  Of course, I want to lose weight (and a lot of it) but you shouldn’t be the one to try to bring me down.  I’m tired of saying “I’m strong” and then someone says I’m fat and inside, I break down.  But now, IDGAF!  I’m sick of being pushed around and stepped on by everyone.  Sorry, but I am no longer your welcome mat.

TRUST

I will no longer trust.

I’ve been through so much pain.

I was only happy for a short amount of time

Because I wasn’t in reality.

I have to snap myself back,

It seems like I have no mentality.

Everything is confusing,

it feels like a waste of time.

Thinking of everything going on,

it all sounds like the same chimes.

They’re ringing in my head all day long,

constantly reminding me to stay strong.

I wake up in the morning brush my teeth.

Stare at the cereal boxes, grab one and eat.

I look out my window and look for something new,

but I can’t trust anyone, neither should you.

ALL POEMS © Jennifer Zelnick 2010